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Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Healing Has Begun!!!!

There is healing in words. Writing words, I believe are a form of prayer.
In fact it is one of the more personable prayers, if you ask me.
Just stark, open honesty, open, vulnerable. 
 It is the time we are most ready to be lifted up and connect, when we are down.
I heard on a program once someone say we as a society selfishly pray in general.
Well truth is, I agree.  But there is also healing in selfish prayer, sometimes.
We can finally see our faults, our sins, our bindings, and we desperately
want them gone.  Need them gone and we won't stop praying or give up until they are gone.
And all that is left is our beautiful scars. How can a scar be beautiful.  Trust me, they can,
and are.  Scars are victory, but they also help us to never go back to that path that wounded us.
Fear, I never want to go back, but so scared of my weaknesses.  It is not my Father, I fear,
or doubt, it is me, and it is my humble cry that I never do go back, not just for me, but for my God,
my husband, and my children.  You see selfishness can lead to unselfishness sometimes.
Why do I write and post the poems I do, well the answer is I am not sure. 
Other than my God lays them there and also I desperately want all those who have the same feelings and thoughts know that you are not the only one, even the most polished and educated christian feels the same way, and you know what, there is nothing wrong with you for it.  You are not a failure or less of a child of God or lower than anyone else.  It does not mean you are unlovable or undeserving.  It means you are more lovable and passionate and in your Father's eyes and heart always, and He loves you more every day and He longs for you to love him more every day too. 

Monday, October 25, 2010

Who am I??????

   Please bare with me because I am a rambler and I tend to take bunny trails and yes, I am the queen of run on sentences. So I will apologize early on for it.

  My name is Nancy, and  I am coming out of the dark.  So much I want to say  that I honestly do not know where to start.  I am full of love, always have been and yes, at times I am still full of hurt and anger.  Worse yet I am full of fears and doubts. Not about my God but about me.  Worst of all I am a seeker, continuously a seeker, of love.  You ask why is that worst of all, well because I already have love, the best love imaginable, my Father God's love, but still I look, I search, and I strive and it never seems to be enough.  That's ok though. I have a God that understands more than we could ever hope to.   But my sweet Saviour will not be defeated, never has been, never will be.  I will try to get through what my precious Saviour has put on my heart, in fact stamped it there long ago, that I ran away from as fast and as far as I could.  Please, check in regularly, because as I post a little or alot more will be revealed.  It just depends on how much I am kicking and screaming that day.  But there is a purpose to this, a purpose of my god's that I for once understand and yes, can easily relate to and long to do for Him.  He wants you and me to realize we are not the only ones in this walk with these feelings and there is absolutely nothing odd or abnormal or strange about them.  Not only do we have our God, but we have each other, even if it is only in pen. Desperation is natural and confining in us humans and can be easily healed and filled with God's grace and love.  He wants me to tell you that you are not alone and neither am I and it is time for us to move forward past our fears, doubts, and to stop striving for what we already have.  To be able to reveal the truth about  me, totally, is healing and not always easy to face, but it is a must to move forward which I so long to do, as do you I am sure.  Keep believing and reading.  Together we can and hopefully will be set free from the dark and released in to His light.  I will be back soon.  Love in Christ, Nancy.